Duncan Fletcher has been appointed India's coach for two years. His credentials are noteworthy. He took a terrible English team instilled team spirit and self-belief. He made them contenders. If anything, he was coach for too long and that reflected in England's spectacular 5-0 whitewash in his swansong.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Duncan is no coach
Toddlers across the globe have reacted to the appointment of Duncan Fletcher as the newest coach of the Indian cricket team.
According to them Duncan works on Mr. Percival's narrow gauge railway. He means well but will "Rock 'n Roll" along the rails whenever the mood takes him. Duncan has a great big heart but is a little misguided.
For more information visit Duncan @ Thomas and Friends
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| Duncan does it all - But he ain't no Coach |
According to them Duncan works on Mr. Percival's narrow gauge railway. He means well but will "Rock 'n Roll" along the rails whenever the mood takes him. Duncan has a great big heart but is a little misguided.
For more information visit Duncan @ Thomas and Friends
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Of Doors and Windows
The BCCI prefers doors. The ICC haven't tipped their hand. Doors, windows, walls don't mean much as long as the BCCI is happy with the house. Most overseas players want a Window. West Indian and Sri Lankan players could care less if its a door, a window or both as long as they are given respect. English players, it is rumored, will strike anyways no matter what the IPL cooks up. Pakistani players don't use either doors or windows, they operate using their large hearts.
Of course we are talking about the IPL Window
The reason the BCCI prefers a door is that it gives them control. Control who enters, when, why and at what price.
Sachin Tendulkar is a health hazard: Ministry of Health
Our sources in the government have revealed...
The Health Ministry of India, in a meeting with Prime Minister Manmohan have shared with him a report that suggests that India's obsession with Sachin Tendulkar has reached such unhealthy levels that they will be forced to accord the addiction the status of a "disease". They said that the disease has already reached an epidemic and needs to be first controlled and treated like one.
Government insiders say that the report, that is yet to be released and likely to throw the country in turmoil when it is, has results of extensive studies done by the government in collaboration with the Amercian Institute of Sports Induced Diseases in Fans.
The study reveals that men and women who are obsessed about Sachin Tendulkar are 67% more likely to suffer from a variety of ailments including high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and even mental conditions like severe anxiety, depression and bi-polar disorder, as compared to those who are obsessive about say Rajnikanth or Salman Khan; in which case they are simply classified by the study as mentally challenged since birth.
The study which was conducted over 20 years also hints at the addiction being responsible for the rise in farmer suicides, unsupervised home births, incidents of domestic violence, prostitution, and huge losses in the stock markets. As a nation, the report says, Sachin worship is costing the country in the billions of dollars. We just can't afford Sachin Tendulkar.
In one particular account, from the report that is sure to invite the wrath of women's rights organizations, a woman was forced to deliver a baby in the living room without any doctors or mid wives because her husband ordered her to stay put so as not to jinx Sachin's progress from 50 to a 100 in a recent Test match against Australia. The woman said that for the first time she realized how long a tea break can be and by the end of it she wasn't sure whom she was pushing for, Sachin or her baby.
In another account a gentleman from North India said he has been celibate for 12 years. "I clearly remember the last time I made love to my Sachin-obsessed wife. It was the day Shoaib Akhtar clean bowled Sachin Tendulkar first ball. Now, I don't think my wife will agree to sex until Sachin Tendulkar retires. She considers it a jinx. I get a hard-on even thinking about Sachin's retirement" he is quoted to have said in the report. According to the man, whose name will remain undisclosed, early on he was managing the problem fine and he seemed to have a good handle on it but off late as talk of Sachin's retirement is more frequent it becomes impossible for him to behave normally in the company of colleagues with a hard to conceal mighty bulge in his trousers.
The report also makes some recommendations on how to treat the disease. While many of the recommendations are typical government regulation stuff like....
- Restrictions on media on how much Sachin can be broadcast, written about, blogged, etc
- A prominent health warning on all Sachin related broadcasts with visual images portraying domestic violence, women in child birth, etc
- A ban on asking other celebrities, especially legends-in-their-own-right past cricketers questions about Sachin
- Appointment of Sanjay Manjrekar and Michael Atherton as brand ambassadors to spread awareness of the disease. They have criticized Sachin Tendulkar in the past and Indians need to hear more from them.
- A ban on reporting what the "foreign media" (read western) media has to say about Sachin.
...the one that has Mr. Manmohan Singh worried was the recommendation that the Government of India legalize "medial porn". The Health Ministry believes that if the government enforces the above regulations, there is bound to be withdrawal symptoms. In some individuals the symptoms will be so acute that there is danger of violence and suicides. For those individuals an equivalent outlet has to be provided. Only porn can come close. Psychiatrists should be allowed to prescribe porn for medical reasons.
Chanakya on Cricket - Other Posts
- India v Pakistan - Plans for a "revival" series
- Dealing with India's imminent world cup exit
- The bowler's Bill of Rights
Sunday, April 24, 2011
IPL is the new Irani Trophy
The IPL was supposed to bring in new fans. Younger ones. For a while, everything was trending upwards like on Twitter. It is fair to say that when it comes to Twitter, IPL seems to be doing fine. I have seen updates on domestic cricket in South Africa and England being tweeted with the hashtag "#IPL". IPL is surely a way to get noticed in the world of tweets and tweet decks.
Initially people were confused about how to invest their loyalty then came Lalit Modi, Shashi Tharoor and his fiance and questions of loyalty took a back seat. The IPL struggled to hold on to people's trust. Actually no...because the BCCI in classic BCCI style completely changed the conversation. While Lalit Modi spoke about deals and money, the BCCI responds to questions with questions questioning the questions.
Recently someone from the BCCI was quoted in the media in response to the question of India's next coach. I don't know the exact question but the response was some thing like ... "What's the hurry in naming a coach"... I don't care what the question was but this type of a response pretty much kills any potential of further conversation.
The IPL has benefited from this type of media engagement. No one bothers the BCCI or the IPL governing council with any kind a request for conversations and as a result the task of regaining the fan's trust has taken a back seat and the conversation in fan circles is again about on franchise loyalty. The BCCI has figured out that people and sponsors will come anyways; so why bother with the trust thing.
As a result, things are less transparent and consequently less noisy.
Clearly Sachin Tendulkar makes it impossible for people to root against Mumbai. I find it strange though. If tomorrow Sachin gets picked up by Chennai, I don't think I will root against Mumbai. However through the years people have figured out which teams they want to support and its largely based on where you were born and/or brought up. Yes there are certain icon players like Sachin Tendulkar and Mahendra Singh Dhoni that can test this theory but lets just say they are the exceptions that prove the rule.
While the loyalties are falling in place and the IPL has shown its resilience to corruption scandals, ownership fights with franchises, security issues, exhaustion from India's world cup win; in a few respects its going a bit backwards.
For example, last year I was able to watch all IPL games on US Television. This year, no such luck. I have to settle for 35 out of the 74 games on display. Also I looked at the IPL points table today, and
it has a distinct Bombay v the Rest of India feel.
Are we sure that we spent all this money, invited cheer leaders, Shah Rukh Khan, the Shetty sisters, Estee Lauder models, DLF maximums, Shaadi.com couples, Karbon Akmal catches....
...just to recreate the magic of Irani Trophy?
Initially people were confused about how to invest their loyalty then came Lalit Modi, Shashi Tharoor and his fiance and questions of loyalty took a back seat. The IPL struggled to hold on to people's trust. Actually no...because the BCCI in classic BCCI style completely changed the conversation. While Lalit Modi spoke about deals and money, the BCCI responds to questions with questions questioning the questions.
Recently someone from the BCCI was quoted in the media in response to the question of India's next coach. I don't know the exact question but the response was some thing like ... "What's the hurry in naming a coach"... I don't care what the question was but this type of a response pretty much kills any potential of further conversation.
The IPL has benefited from this type of media engagement. No one bothers the BCCI or the IPL governing council with any kind a request for conversations and as a result the task of regaining the fan's trust has taken a back seat and the conversation in fan circles is again about on franchise loyalty. The BCCI has figured out that people and sponsors will come anyways; so why bother with the trust thing.
As a result, things are less transparent and consequently less noisy.
Clearly Sachin Tendulkar makes it impossible for people to root against Mumbai. I find it strange though. If tomorrow Sachin gets picked up by Chennai, I don't think I will root against Mumbai. However through the years people have figured out which teams they want to support and its largely based on where you were born and/or brought up. Yes there are certain icon players like Sachin Tendulkar and Mahendra Singh Dhoni that can test this theory but lets just say they are the exceptions that prove the rule.
While the loyalties are falling in place and the IPL has shown its resilience to corruption scandals, ownership fights with franchises, security issues, exhaustion from India's world cup win; in a few respects its going a bit backwards.
For example, last year I was able to watch all IPL games on US Television. This year, no such luck. I have to settle for 35 out of the 74 games on display. Also I looked at the IPL points table today, and
it has a distinct Bombay v the Rest of India feel.
Are we sure that we spent all this money, invited cheer leaders, Shah Rukh Khan, the Shetty sisters, Estee Lauder models, DLF maximums, Shaadi.com couples, Karbon Akmal catches....
...just to recreate the magic of Irani Trophy?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Virendra Sehwag's Easter Speech
In a speech that according to historians the world over is likely to have far reaching impacts, that will eventually make the world a better place to live in, Virendra Sehwag today warmed the cockles of sports traditionalists on easter weekend. In front of a crowd of an unsuspecting public he uttered the words that stunned the crowd to a prolonged silence not sure if what they heard was real.
It took a good few minutes for the crowd to first digest and react to the words uttered by the maverick opener.
The traditionalists in the crowd were the first to react. And even then all they could manage was tears rolling down their eyes in disbelief, and a sense of hope. It was as if it was God had risen from the dead to deliver a message they had been craving for.
Peter Roebuck reporting the speech in the Sydney Morning Herald wrote...
"Never before have fewer words been spoken, so simply to heal so many in the language of the common man. It was a speech shorter than Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg address but equal in its possibilities to allow a new world to emerge, more inspirational than Kennedy's call to public service and like Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream speech' may give a new hope to those that cricket has discriminated against."
This is what Virendra Sehwag said...
I am Virendra Sehwag
Today, I wish to express my desire to quit T20 cricket and One Day Cricket to prolong my Test career.
I suffer from a long standing degenerative mental disease that prevents me from developing the requisite intelligence to appreciate and execute the shorter versions of the game.
Thank you and have a Happy Easter
That was it.
Immediately after the speech he called Shane Bond, Shaun Tait, Brett Lee, and Lasith Malinga and offered them words of encouragement and a caring hand over their shoulders as they bowed their heads in shame.
Harsha Bhogle writing for Cricinfo reported...
"What marks the speech as exceptional and history making is Virendra Sehwag's refusal to condemn the shorter formats. He took it on himself. He said it was a disease in him that does not allow him to appreciate the shorter versions. How could we have failed to see such divinity in him"
Reaction to the speech was quick, far, wide and largely incomprehensible to social scientists, historians, political analysts and sports commentators.
Bishen Singh Bedi said, this is a great day for cricket. Today I recognize that Murali's 800 wickets were all genuine. He wrote to the ICC that Murali's wicket count should be recognized as 900 because there were at least that many batsmen out run out, attempting an impossible run to get to the non-strikers end. If there is any bowler who deserves to be credited with even run outs it is Murali.
In the world above Douglas Jardine invited Sir Don Bradman for dinner and apologized for Bodyline
The Mahatma and Quaid-e-Azam met to develop a plan for peace between India and Pakistan
Even in lands unblessed with cricket the echoes were loud and clear
Gaddafi distributed his fair skinned blonde mistresses amongst the homeless across Lybia. The rest he released unconditionally.
Rebublicans in the US said they are willing to consider the possibility that Global Warming is real if Obama can produce a valid birth certificate.
Thomas Friedman who was in India for his new book, "The world is a Flat pitch" and happened to witness the speech first hand said, "God is Indian and he is not Sachin Tendulkar".
He still lives...
and so shall Test Cricket
Crossroads.......again
Cricket seems forever at cross-roads nowadays. West Indies, Pakistan and now Sri Lanka seem to be back in turmoil. Add the upheavals in Australian cricket and we now have a situation where most teams are creating excuses for losing. i.e. "rebuilding".
West Indies inflicted a deep gash on themselves by dumping Gayle, Chanderpaul and Sarwan. A smooth transition is always more healthy than a clean break. In this context, I don't understand players giving up captaincy and refusing responsibility to help with sustaining goodness in teams.
Australia, until recently, were that team. There were no mass exclusions, always minor cuts. Not since, Kim Hughes relinquished captaincy to Border has Australia had a former captain in the team. Traditionally, Australia has always appointed the best batsman to lead the side. Therefore, this new experiment is going to be interesting.
West Indies have had no such tradition since Richie Richardson was captain. The administrators and selectors have done great disservice to West Indies by constantly harking back to past glories and thereby undermining the current crop. The players need encouragement and little of that sort seems to be coming from West Indies administration. It's not surprising that there is so much rebellion. There is a complete lack of understanding of today's youth and their motivation for sport. It's unlikely that the West Indies will regain even an iota of their past glory with such poor treatment of players. This is sad because the Caribbeans play a very entertaining brand of cricket that needs to be nurtured and preserved.
Sri Lanka too have wounded themselves immensely by taking on the IPL players. All that the current plan has done is divided the team. Those that want to fulfill their IPL obligations and those that put country above IPL. Why create a situation where one has to choose? By throwing down the gauntlet the team has now been divided. This to a point where Malinga has decided to give up Test cricket altogether. I can't understand why a player has to choose between money and country. Cricket is rich enough to give a player both. Sri Lankan administrators and selectors are shallow score-settlers and are simply jealous of the opportunity that today's cricketers have to make a life out of cricket.
Has anyone understood why Pakistan cricketers are taboo for the IPL, but umpires aren't?
This brings to question a very oblique theory. Vallabhbhai Patel once joked to Gandhi that he didn't know what it cost the country to keep him poor. India too probably doesn't know what's it's costing cricket to make India number one. Dead pitches, neutered fast bowlers and shorter boundaries. No wonder Pakistan and West Indies cricket is dying or in Pakistan's case fast bowlers being forced into match-fixing to survive.
Has the price been worth India's ascent to the top?
West Indies inflicted a deep gash on themselves by dumping Gayle, Chanderpaul and Sarwan. A smooth transition is always more healthy than a clean break. In this context, I don't understand players giving up captaincy and refusing responsibility to help with sustaining goodness in teams.
Australia, until recently, were that team. There were no mass exclusions, always minor cuts. Not since, Kim Hughes relinquished captaincy to Border has Australia had a former captain in the team. Traditionally, Australia has always appointed the best batsman to lead the side. Therefore, this new experiment is going to be interesting.
West Indies have had no such tradition since Richie Richardson was captain. The administrators and selectors have done great disservice to West Indies by constantly harking back to past glories and thereby undermining the current crop. The players need encouragement and little of that sort seems to be coming from West Indies administration. It's not surprising that there is so much rebellion. There is a complete lack of understanding of today's youth and their motivation for sport. It's unlikely that the West Indies will regain even an iota of their past glory with such poor treatment of players. This is sad because the Caribbeans play a very entertaining brand of cricket that needs to be nurtured and preserved.
Sri Lanka too have wounded themselves immensely by taking on the IPL players. All that the current plan has done is divided the team. Those that want to fulfill their IPL obligations and those that put country above IPL. Why create a situation where one has to choose? By throwing down the gauntlet the team has now been divided. This to a point where Malinga has decided to give up Test cricket altogether. I can't understand why a player has to choose between money and country. Cricket is rich enough to give a player both. Sri Lankan administrators and selectors are shallow score-settlers and are simply jealous of the opportunity that today's cricketers have to make a life out of cricket.
Has anyone understood why Pakistan cricketers are taboo for the IPL, but umpires aren't?
This brings to question a very oblique theory. Vallabhbhai Patel once joked to Gandhi that he didn't know what it cost the country to keep him poor. India too probably doesn't know what's it's costing cricket to make India number one. Dead pitches, neutered fast bowlers and shorter boundaries. No wonder Pakistan and West Indies cricket is dying or in Pakistan's case fast bowlers being forced into match-fixing to survive.
Has the price been worth India's ascent to the top?
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