New Zealand will play like dicks and lose all their games in the 2011 word cup. Including games against Zimabwe, Canada and Kenya. New Zealand Cricket will call for a comprehensive review of the performance resulting in Mark Greatbatch being appointed captain, John Wright invited to be chairman of selectors, while Daniel Vettori will be appointed coach.
Australia will declare "the spinner" to be an endangered species while ordering the execution of all state players who call themselves spinners. Including Nathan Hauritz. The same lab that engineered Ricky Ponting will be staffed to engineer the "spinner of tomorrow". Shane Warne will refuse to provide DNA samples insisting that they use Yusuf Pathan's DNA instead.
Ricky Ponting will ask Usman Khwaja to jump over a bridge.
South African players will start every news conference by providing glowing tributes to Sachin Tendulkar's 50th 100, even after he has crossed well over 100 International 100s. Vaccines will be developed to allow South African cricketers be immune to the runs Sachin scores against them. Vaccine trials on ICL players will show that side effects induce a player to clap every run scored by Sachin Tendulkar. Jacques Kallis will fund his own research on a pill that will supress the side effects.
England will beat India to claim the Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi trophy. Darren Gough will call for sainthood for all English players and claim that Kevin Pietersen can take Mother Teresa every fucking day of the week
India will take some steps in accepting the UDRS in exchange for gurantees of an "unofficial" window for the IPL and Test status for Afghanistan, Nepal and a country of their choosing. India will also host a massive festival for all advertising firms to execute their ad campaigns for global brands. Word cup matches will be played during the festival down times and strategic breaks.
Mahendra Singh Dhoni will "go green".
Bangladesh will invite New Zealand to play 100 bilateral ODIs
Sri Lanka will finally win a Test Match without Murali after the discovery of another freak bowler. Bowling carrum balls with ping-pong balls will now be permitted under the ammended ICC rules.
Bishen Singh Bedi will commit suicide.
Our astrolgers were unable to see any futue for Pakistan cricket but they believe Pakistan will thrive even though there is no astrological basis for that.
